Sunday, September 22, 2013

Hurricane in Morristown: Bout Recap

For the first time since June, the Corporal Punishers, oldest of Morristown’s four derby teams, returned for a bout on their home track. Last night, in an exciting interleague bout, they faced the Hurricane Janes, traveling up from Sewell in South Jersey. With several of their veteran skaters sidelined for various reasons, the Punishers were relying heavily on their newer talent, who proved up to the challenge.

The Janes picked up an early lead. Both teams were strong on defense, but the Janes were particularly good at exploiting the no-pack rule by lingering back at key moments – this is a method of breaking “the pack” which forces opposing blockers to let a jammer through. A power jam by Lil MO Peep added 15 points for the Punishers, however, and tightened the score to within a few points. Veteran skater and team captain Doom Hilda skated consistently well as blocker or jammer; Pretty Khaotic and Brass Muscles also both jammed impressively for the Punishers. El Pony Picante, Twisted Tink, and (especially) Curly Suicide did the same for the Janes, and maintained their team’s small lead through the bulk of the first half. Anna Nicole Smithereens for the Janes and Raven Rage for the Punishers were notably hard hitters as blockers. Curly Suicide (#22) of the Janes was knocked down hard at one point and stayed down for some minutes, stopping the clock temporarily. The bout resumed. The Janes expanded their lead in a power jam just before the halftime whistle, and led 110-73 a halftime, still very much in competitive territory.

In the second half, the Punishers worked to close the point gap. Brass Muscles was especially good at powering her way through blocking walls of much larger girls. Jam by jam they ate away at the Janes’ lead. Both teams continued to accumulate points. Curly Suicide returned to the track, apparently unfazed, and continued to score. The Punishers whittled down the Janes’ lead to 15 points. In the final 10 minutes, the Janes were able to re-expand their margin, with Miss Phat Booty exploiting a power jam successfully. At the 5-minute mark, the Janes were up to a 50 point lead. Despite a hard push by the Punishers, the Janes defended their lead to the end, winning with a final score of 205-138.

MVP were #911 Brass Muscles for the Punishers and #22 Curly Suicide for the Janes.


  1. Love the names these gals use. Pony Picante had me chuckling. Does she have a "My Little Pony" theme song? ;)

    1. It's addicting -- not so much televised but definitely when live. At least it’s an addiction that comes without a hangover -- unless one joins the team at the afterparty. I even posted a related scifi short story at my site: "Sky Wheels (or Old Derby Girls Never Die)." Pony might like the theme song idea.